Daze Gone Bi

"... then Buffy slew Edward.

The End."

I came home later than usual last night.

I slept a little, but soon it was clear my stomach would not rest without a snack. I returned to bed with the only item from my pantry or refrigerator that didn't need any undue culinary effort so early in the morning. I choose a simple cold, pealed and lightly salted, hard boiled egg.

A chicken egg.

I ask you, since when did the lowely chicken take on the responcibility of  being nearly the sole provider of our global egg needs? What asshole made that decision for me? I mean, go the supermarket. The egg section is wall to wall chicken ovum!

OK... sure... occasionally you might find eggs from ducks and quail, and even more rarely you may stumble upon larger offerings from a stray effing emu. But still, by a landslide, the most commonly used bird eggs are those from the stupid chicken.

Whats most amazing is some Russian bastards squeeze eggs from fish, give it a fancy name like Beluga, and charge rich suckers $1,000 for a tiny 4ounce tin. (You think I'm kidding, check out this price list!)

Finishing the last of my snack, a question begins to peck at my brain. It haunts me...

Why no turkey eggs?

Turkeys are domesticated. They are larger than chickens. Hell, even Ben Franklin was such a fan of the turkey he want to make it our national bird. Now,with Thanksgiving approaching, what could be wrong with cracking open a couple of turkey eggs for a nice egg white omelet? Why shouldn't I be able go to IHOP and ask them for a turkey eggs benedict, or show up at Denny's for a Gobbler Grand Slam?

(sigh)

I use the above nonsense as an example of the kind of endless mental gymnastics I put myself through nightly, looking to derive any kind of meaningful sleep!

The clock just struck six.

Maybe I can slip in another few hours sleep before breakfast. (No eggs, thank you.)

Everyone's favorite A.J. has come back with a questionnaire challenge. Here's my answers.

 1. Name? (screen name is fine)
 --Dave83201. Dave or David is acceptable, but please, never Davie. Use it and I'll cut you, bitch.

2. Are you a boy or girl?
-- Male, with inches to spare.

3. How old are you?
-- Twenty-one.

4. Are you straight, gay, bi or unsure?
-- Most days bisexual, depending on how hot the boy or girl is I'm talking to...

5. Whats your favorite color?
-- Green.

6. Whats your favorite food?
-- Surf and Turf

7. If you could choose only one type of food for the rest of you life, what type would it be? (ex. Italian, Chinese, French, etc.)
-- Italian, please. I could live at the Olive Garden.

8. How tall are you?
-- Six foot, one inch.

9. Hair color?
-- Blond, with a hint of red.

10. Whats your favorite movie?
-- The Godfather One and Two.

11. Favorite book?
-- My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok. It changed the way I think about everything -- faith, art, and acceptance.

12. Favorite TV show?
-- Breaking Bad is the best show on Television, however, I can't wait for the last season of Lost to start next year.

13. What are your hobbies?
-- Painting, whitewater rafting, hiking, reading, napping.

14. What is the #1 thing that grosses you out?
-- Vomit. Even thinking the word vomit makes me want to vomit.

15. Are you a virgin?
-- No. (Whew! I got it in under the wire.)

16. If no, how far have you gone? (list both with boys and girls)
-- I lost my virginity with women September 15th of this year, with my ex-girlfriend Mandy from high school. (A detailed account can be found in this post.)
 As far as boys go, for three years, starting when I was 13 years old, I fooled around with my friend Paul. We had a  lot of fun, but never tried anal or full oral. ( A detailed account of that fiendship can be found in this post.)

17. Are you athletic? What sports?
-- Basketball.

18. For guys: How big are you? (you know what I mean... lol) Are you cut or uncut?
--7.5 inches cut, but closer to 8 inches on a really good day.

19. For girls: Whats your bra size?

20. Are you happy with your size?
-- Happy? Hell, I'm thrilled!

21. Do you like, tolerate or get disgusted when you see an attractive person of the opposite sex?
-- I very much like the sight of any attractive human form.

22. What do you want to do with your life?
-- I love painting more than anything, and I'd love to find a way to use that talent to help others, especially children. Art therapy sounds promising.

23. Do you masturbate? how many times a day?
-- Yes I do masturbate. I average about once a day, but if I'm too busy, tired, or stressed, I'll often hold off until the next day, making that next orgasm stronger. (For the record, I held off masturbating altogether for more than a year, while a missionary, resulting in powerful wet dreams several times a week.)

24. Do you have a "special" toy? (again you all know what I mean... lol)
-- No, but I'm really thinking of getting one. I've heard amazing things about this one. Its designed to rock against the prostate hands-free, which, I have heard, feels amazing.

25. Have you ever broken a bone or had another serious injury or sickness? Explain.
-- No broken bones so far, but been sick more times than I'd like to think about.

26. What do you think is your most attractive feature?
-- I'm told I have nice teeth, and eyes, and when I put in a little effort a good chest and abs.

27. What do you think is your least attractive feature?
-- I'm too effing skinny, I hate my nose, and my hair makes me feel stupid.

28. If there is one thing in your life you could change, what would that be?
-- I hate to say it, but money. I wish I had more financial freedom. I guess that's kinda shallow.

29. Are you in a relationship? explain a little (boy, girl, short term, long term, etc)
-- No offline, real, relationships to speak of, unfortunately.

30. When was the last time you got some sexual action? (of any type)
-- Morning of Sept 27, 2009, I believe, with Mandy while seeing her in Slat Lake City.

31. Mac or PC?
-- PC.

32. Iphone, Blackberry, other P.D.A., or regular cell phone?
-- None since cell phone got ripped off.

33. Do you have any pets? Which ones?
-- No, but I want a dog.

34. For gay and bi guys: Are you a top or bottom?
-- As an anal virgin I honestly don't know, but I suspect I'll love both a shocking amount.

35. Whats the one thing in your life you are most proud of?
-- Learning a foreign language.

36. Where is the weirdest place you masturbated or had sex?
-- On a mountain top, or maybe at work

37. Most number of times you came in a day?
-- Six times, when I was with Paul.

38. What are you most afraid of?

-- Ummm, death probably.

39. Favorite porn star?
-- I like some of the old Bel Ami stuff with Lukas Ridgeston, but recently Brent Corrigan is very wankable.

40. Do you have a blog? What is it?
-- Yes. Daze Gone Bi. (http://dazegonebi.blogspot.com/)

I'm babysitting for my sister again, despite not feeling much up to it. I have a slight infection I'm fighting, but the doctor has me on new antibiotics, and for karma's sake I'm not going to say no. A free meal is involved, but I have to prepare it, so that deal is a bit of a wash.

The kids tonight have no desire to watch Dancing with the Stars, so here we are, running The Wizard of Oz off the DVR, eating popcorn. How can it be possible that this film is seventy years old? Most movies even seven years old can't stand the test of time the way that this one does.

Of course as a homo-curious guy, I identify with the film in all kinds of strange ways. Thankfully these ideas fly right over the heads of the children. I see my life as similar to that of main character (and gay icon) Dorthy Gale. We are both stuck in rural areas -- drab, sepia colored worlds of intolerance -- and both yearn for a more tolerant Technicolor world filled with music and acceptance. A storm is brewing that will send us flying over the rainbow where we align with a sissy lion, and a hollow man who can't stop crying in the fight against a butch Witch with a fetish for bedazzled red shoes.

Yeah, maybe I'm reading a little too much into it!

What still gets me, no matter how old I get are those fucking flying monkeys! Holy guacamole! They are still  scary as shit. Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger are pussies in comparison. Nothing takes me from zero to diarrhea like those blue faced bastards! I mean, what the hell happened in Oz to produce those? Genetic engineering, or some primate raping the vajayjay out of a defenseless chicken? I think the Wizard ought to look into that, don't you?

These kids share none of these thoughts. They're loving it!

I'm the one going home to nightmares!

 Its 2:00 A.M.

I came home early, just after midnight.

I was going to have my first "gay bar" experience at Charley's, but Jeff wasn't feeling up to it. Still, how great is it to have a str8 friend cool enough to want to come with his bi best friend to a gay bar so he won't have to venture in alone. Of course I suspect his real reason for agreeing to go is not for friendship's sake, or even for the great music, but to get me drunk enough to tell him how to find this blog! Ha! Sorry! That won't work! I'm not going to drink anyway, regardless of when we go.

I am a little disappointed we didn't get to check the place out. I've heard both good and bad things about Charley's. Its a popular place, and the only gay hangout in town, however, I've also heard about the notorious cover charge, over priced drinks, and a dance floor that is rumored to be ready drop to the basement entirely if the drag queens don't lay off the old Halloween candy. Any guy would have to be beyond cute for me to consider dancing with him anyway. I'm bold enough to expose myself naked in front of strangers in art class, but I draw the line at any public displays of rhythm. I am just too white to even snap my fingers to the music, and I haven't practiced the arm movements for Y.M.C.A. (Is it too much of a stereotype for me to assume the play list will include that song?)

So now I'm back under covers in my bed trying to get warm in my drafty apartment. I'm feeling that relaxed, satisfied feeling you get after having just concluded "Happy Time". (An unusual a third time today! Yikes! I'm out of tissues.) Now I'm watching an awful movie, wondering which is hotter -- the star of the movie Steve Sandvoss, or the Jalapeno kettle potato-chips that are making my mouth burn.

 I think the answer is Steve Sandvoss. Honestly, tell me what is hotter? (Maybe I should grab an old sock... "cough, cough". It could be a long night!)

"Hey, why so serious?" I was asked.

A bunch of us from my study group met together for lunch and we were having a great time. At least I thought I was until I was asked that question. I made a special effort to step out from under the weight of the world, and try to have some fun. I think I was successful, but the pathetic thing is how much effort it took to maintain my light mood.

Not long after I returned to my apartment, the girl from study group who had chastised me for being too serious, sent me an email. In it was a link to this award wining short film. At sixteen minutes, its about twelve minutes too long to do very well on the internet, but I can't think of a better thing to watch at the end of a long hard week. If you're not completely cynical you'll love it, and if you are cynical maybe you'll be less so after viewing.

It makes me remember that a little kindness goes a long way!



In all the blogs, everyone is so downtrodden it seems... me too! But I hope you take a hour or two to just relax and take it easy.

Please, everyone, have a fun and happy weekend!

It all started with one blog.

I don't remember how I came across it, or why I felt compelled to read it. I'd never really read a blog before, and I didn't have a clear idea what a blog should be, but AJ's Ramblings had me hooked.

In the beginning I just read. Nothing else. I had no idea what the follow button on the side was. (I'm still not sure I know!) I was a stealth reader; too shy to even comment. This was around the time when I'd started to confront my sexuality, was spending more time in the hospital than out, and to cap it all off, I had just lost my dad. I had my problems, but then so did AJ, and somehow that made me feel less alone. Soon, through AJ's blog, I found Mirrorboy, and then Landyn -- both blogs I could also identify with.

Their stories made me wonder if I had a story to tell. Could I be as raw, and open? Did I dare?

It took a while to build up my courage to try. The hard part was coming up with a blog title. The front runner for a time was Just Half Str8, but I felt that was just another way to avoid calling things as they are, a sport I've played all my life. I am bisexual, and the title had to reflect that up front. Daze Gone Bi seemed to fit.

All of this is the long way to explain why I'm a little happier this morning. I took a look at my blog roll and noticed AJ was back. The prodigal blogger has returned! When he stopped blogging a while back I was sad, but I understood his need to step away. I kept his link up regardless, both in hopes he might reappear, but also as a reminder of the kind of blogger I want to be.

So, after a well deserved rest, I know I'm not the only one to say...